Friday, June 6, 2008

My Rapture

Costco was good to me tonight. First, the greeter nodded with nary a glance at my membership card and then, spotting a cart in my path--she parted the way for me to enter. On the many screens right of the entrance choruses of crystal clear,close-up seraphim sang. But here's the highlight: In all my years of shopping at Costco---from scrounging up membership funds just to scarf free samples and pizza slices to two-carted "runs" I never, ever imagined that you could get a CARRY-OUT AT COSTCO!!!!!!! How many freaking times have I saved the excursion for the weekend--SATURDAY, or even SUNDAY AT COSTCO just to have my husband help me? And now---taking 2 kids to this horn o' plenty---even with the help of Whoozyerdaddy is like doing the breaststroke in the La Brea Tar Pits.

It was heaven to go this evening to Costco with just the baby. No Saturday crowds, no Whoozyerkid, no Whoozyerhusband (who, by the way has to have a shot of vodka to assuage his nerves prior to THE TREK) muttering hopefully "OK, let's go noooooow" every five minutes. No Whoozyerkid whining because I won't buy polyester princess pajamas.

And---was this a normal night or was I in the Kingdom of the Omnipotent when they loaded my wares onto the conveyor belt for me and INSISTED that I get a carryout?
And when, piece, by piece, item by item the orange-vested cart-duty guy loaded WhoozyerOdyssey I started to plot his kidnap so that when we arrived home-- item by item, piece by piece-- he would be THE GUY to unload the double-pack of Optifree and the 2lb bag of sundried tomatoes. He would oh-so gingerly-- wrap the organic chicken breasts, careful to ensure no air touched the baby pink flesh nestled in the Ziplog Freezer bags (of which I can say, I own 1000--note to self--there has GOT to be a greener way to wrap meat). Ev-er-y perishable would be hustled to the refrigerator in record time to inhibit any bacteria growth while I could linger at the lounger to feed and glance lovingly at my infant. But alas, with a brace-laced grin and a wave Manuel returned my cart, that sacred vessel of my blessed journey, to the clouds of the Costco Kingdom and I was left to my descent to Earth. A mortal mom, in a mortal world. Where I must toil.

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