Monday, June 16, 2008

Don't say "never"

When I was a wee little tween there were many things on my list of verboten acts experienced only by adults. I didn't ever want to go there and I couldn't ever imagine that this would change at any point in my life.The reasons were:
  1. They sounded painful and included: surgery, having a baby, having wisdom teeth pulled, wearing contact lenses, piercing something that isn't an ear, going to the chiropractor, smoking anything.
  2. They involved the exchange of bodily fluids via: french kissing, sexual intercourse, giving oral pleasure, getting a spit bath, and I'm gonna stop there because I can think of some things that will make your ears blush and I'm thinking about them right now.
  3. They were things I myself had recently experienced the recieving end of and they were unpleasant. Spanking, telling a kid "no", setting boundaries with children, giving adults preferential treatment (e.g. booting the kid out of her own bed for adult guests). Making my kids go to school when they don't want to; saying "just one bite and you can get up from the table." Having adult conversations about things like work around kids (what a bore...).

If the kid me were here I am sure she would have some choice words (not allowed near adults but perhaps in the privacy of her room in a conversation between a blonde Barbie and a Brunette Barbie). I am doing most of the stuff on my list and I feel like I have betrayed my inner tween. I have become the person I didn't understand; I'm a grown-up who does things her own kids can't fathom yet. I have to be the Sen-Say. I have to understand that sometimes there are just no words to explain just exactly how life is going to go down; our experiences are different and yet woven with same splendid string. We understand when we begin to unravel more and more and take a new shape.


Shaken Mama said...

I guess there is a balance to be struck with your tween-self's proclamations. I swore I'd NEVER want to wear high heels, and that changed. But I also promised that I would NEVER FLAKE ON MY CHILDREN -- if I said something was going to happen, then it WOULD. I would not let things fall to the wayside if I promised they would happen. (You can tell I had a few promises broken back then...) So I'm careful about my promises, but I bust my ass to keep them. Here's hoping I can keep up the streak. Or my 12-year-old self is going to be SOOO PISSED.

DoulaDee said...

My tween self asks "why?" all the time, and I promised myself that I would never lose that. My husband hates it! :-) My other promise was that I would never say "Because I said so!" to a child...I hope that I can live up to that. Hugs to all.

WhoozerGMa said...

Life sucks, then you grow up...

Do you remember thinking that you couldn't wait to grow up so you could do WTF you wanted WTF you wanted to do it? Right.