Apparently, saving the earth is gay. Let me preface this by saying that gay is OK by me and I am in no way homophobic but most straight men I know live with the constant niggling fear that someone, somewhere will surmise that they like other men "that way".
"Honey---look what I got for you."
Hubby: "WTF is that?"
Me: "You take your sandwich and instead of plastic you wrap it like this" I demonstrate the wrapping of an imaginary sandwich. "You'll be saving Mother Earth."
Hubby: "I don't think a little plastic is really a big deal."
Me: "It is a big deal, it's a really big deal. And look---it makes a nice placemat for you."
My mom: "The placemat thing is kind of gay. You could use Tupperware. Tupperware's not gay. And could you actually fit the sandwich in there? What's keeping the sandwich fresh?"
Me: "It wraps around the sandwich."
My mom: "I don't think it will fit around a thick sandwich."
It does fit. The sandwich is wrapped above. Densely packed with turkey, sundried tomatoes, arugula, avocadoes and honey mustard.
It's happy. It's a happy, cheerful sandwich (though admittedly I think the arugula is what makes it gay) on a happy, cheerful placemat. And eating from the Wrap 'n Mat will not make you run underground at Powell to emerge at Castro station. Okay?