Saturday, August 30, 2008

It's hot and I'm lazy.



Today it was a hundred and freaking five in Martinez. And we don't have air conditioning. "Well, it's this hot only a few days a year." I say nonchalantly when the weather is perfect. "We can deal with the heat. What did people do before air conditioning? They DEALT with it. THAT'S what they did." Oh yeah. Our home was built in 1928 and I am thinking perhaps we have the original heating system. With lovely asbestos-wrapped ducts, which, apparently are safe unless you happen to be oh, say, the HVAC guy who gets to replace the system for the lucky people who get air conditioning in this house. Then, as the luckiest HVAC guy in the world you would wear a suit remarkably similar to the suits that the evil NASA scientists wear in ET (one of the shittiest, sappiest films of all time, I might add).
Speaking of Hazmat suits, I'm going to need one to clean Wherzyourhouse. It's been too hot to clean so basically we pretend it's not filthy and cluttered and go about our daily business which--in the heat-- constitutes a playdate in an artifically cool home, a drawn out stroll through Tar-jay, a saunter through Scum Valley Mall and/or a leisurely meal at the self-serve fro-yo joint. Tomorrow it will be in the 80's, or so they say.There is a glimmer of hope beneath the oil slick that is my home. In the meantime I have provided for you an exhibit of Wherzyourpigsty so you can do a little self-congratulatory jig and revel in the cleanliness of your home. You are guaranteed to be much closer to Godliness than the Whoozyerfamily, which resides in the hot underbelly of hell. I need to call a cleaner. Stat:





6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whar happen to my sink?
It was so clean when I left.

Mrs. Whoozyer said...

If the above comment was made by Tracy---our fabulous helper of all things domestic--please call me back! In the meantime I have called a cleaning lady and I hope not to scare her away too... ;)

Mrs. Whoozyer said...

If the above comment was made by my husband---that was last week and please try using a scrub brush.

Mrs. Whoozyer said...

If the above comment was made by our ex-babysitter, get your ass in school. Are you TRYING to get taken to Joovy?

nicolegrumpybear said...

I live in downtown Martinez also, right of of Berellessa. It was SO hot this weekend and I too suffer without air-conditioning in my small apartment. Take heart- My place looked worse than yours. I did not move. It was a wonder I was able to move my drenched body off the sofa long enough to eat and use the bathroom.

Anonymous said...

No... it was me your whoozyerhouse guest from long ago ....